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Puppy politics: How does your dog vote?

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You may know how you’re voting, but what about your polling station-bound dog? Here’s our guide to pet pawlitics

Cockapoo

  • Like Labour voters, these floppy-eared yappers are now ten a penny
  • Often sighted at Blank Street coffee shops with a matcha latte in paw (oat milk OFC)
  • Centrist vibes
  • Doesn’t remember the Iraq war
  • Used to vote Tory, now votes Labour

Bichon frise

  • Red is her colour but sadly she can’t vote Labour due to of her love of foie gras
  • Likely to live in Lib Dem suburbs but aspires to a zone 1 townhouse
  • Never touched grass in her life so happy to bulldoze over the green belt
  • Pretty (and votes Tory)

XL Bully

  • Says things like “not ALL XL bullies”
  • Does NOT like regulation – or muzzles (or foreign dogs)
  • Insurgent campaigner who hates being told what to do
  • No nanny state, nans or toddlers
  • Votes Reform

Corgi

  • Monarchists
  • Wants to abolish inheritance tax (mummy worked very hard for the lifestyle they’re accustomed to)
  • Currently at their summer retreat and forgot to apply for a postal vote

Dalmation

  • Anti-fur campaigner
  • Worried about two child benefit cap (thinks 101 a more reasonable cut-off)
  • Smart, but not in the way that counts
  • NEVER changes its spots (fiercely loyal Lib Dem)

Shiba Inu

  • Anarcho-capitalist
  • Tells you about how they made their fortune investing in crypto
  • One of the few voters swayed by the various parties’ memes
  • Soils their ballot

Greyhound

  • Sensitive soul susceptible to party donation appeals
  • Rescued from Battersea to live in Hackney
  • RUNS to the polling station
  • Sympathises with the underdog (Greens, independents)

Pomeranian

  • Nationally famed as cute and fluffy, but known by the locals as vicious
  • Barks at builders
  • Knows how to work a camera
  • Throws dirty looks at the neighbours’ dogs
  • Votes Lib Dem

Labrador Retriever

  • Loyal but stupid
  • Hungry for Change (and treats)
  • Rishi Sunak has one, so like Adidas Sambas they’re ruined for everyone
  • Does what his owner tells him (in this election: votes Labour)